I don’t know anymore. I really don’t. I think I still like you. Even though I don’t want to. Why? because I’m just so confused. I know, I know. If I want an answer, I should ask him myself. But I don’t think that’s really an option right now. To come out of the blue and ask him what the hell’s up, cause I sure as hell don’t know. I’m too much of a wuss and I’ll just sound like a whiny asshole. The feelings are fading anyway. Immensely. What’s the point, right? What can I say. He’s a total sweet talker. He’s got a line of ladies trying to get at him. I’m a jealous person. When you’re as insecure as me, you’re bound to be the jealous type. I’m not sure how to deal with it. He’s super super friendly, so all those girls probably think he likes them. Just like me. Well, at least one point. I was very doubtful of my feelings and very doubtful of his. Everyone that I have ever told this stupid shit to says that he likes me. Why can’t I see it? Why don’t I feel like he does? Probably because he’s done this to a bunch of other girls. Yet, I still held on. I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe because everyone always tried to reassure me that he liked me and I was worth something to him. “He’s definitely into you.”, “You got nothing to worry about. He definitely likes you. He’s basically in your palms.” ,”The flirting with other girls has eased down a lot.” “You don’t have to worry about that other girl, he definitely doesn’t like her.” “Even though he’s crazy, he’s shy around YOU.”
Maybe I held on because there was potential we could’ve had with each other. If you had put in any effort, then maybe something would’ve sparked up. It’s always me though. I rarely ask people to hang out. I’m not much of a planner and it’s usually my other friends setting up the hang outs. The one time I actually muster up the courage and ask someone to hang out - let alone the person being someone that you like, I always got rejected. First, second, third, fourth time. Whatever. People are busy. I totally understand that. Fifth, sixth, seventh time. It starts to get to you. YOU were the one to always tell me that you missed me so much, saying you thought about me all the time, the times I did see you briefly, you’d always text me after saying “It was great to see you today.” and you gave me the impression that I was worth a little something to you. You obviously have the time if you’re spending every other weekend hanging out with people that you’ve only known for a month. As whiney as that may sound, I just don’t get it. Do NOT give me the impression that you miss me so much, but yet reject every offer I give you.
I try. Maybe not hard enough, but I’m trying. Every rejection I got, there was still a tiny tiny tiny bit of hope in me that maybe next time you’ll say yes. I just wish you didn’t lead me on and say all these things. My friends are telling me that you’ll be “devoted” to me in the summer, but you know, I’m not really sure if I want to through with that. I think I should really give up right now, because it’s just one-sided now.
56628.) To the people who know nothing about depressed persons: Let me get something straight to the world. Depression is an illness. It’s not a weakness. Nobody chooses to be depressed, why would they? For attention? Do you honestly think they want to appear that sad, that pained? It’s a disease, is what it is, and just like any other sickness, victims want to stay clear of it. They never asked to suffer. They can’t help the way they feel, so rather than telling them to suck it up, you should understand a little something about sympathy. Would you tell someone who gets told every day that s/he has cancer to “suck it up, your life’s not that bad”? Because maybe, at one point, it wasn’t so bad. But through depressed eyes, it’s a dark world. -CT
(via moving-shadows)
Sometimes all you need is a walk at like 5 in the morning when no one is around to clear your head.
I tend to fall harder for a guy when I’m asked a lot about him from my friends and the all the annoying teasing begins. It just makes you think about it more, thus making your feelings stronger. Maybe if I hadn’t even mentioned that I had tiny thing for you to anyone in the first place, I probably would’ve gotten over you a lot quicker.
(Source: lovequotesrus, via insomniaticthoughts)
